Once again what God has been speaking to me about has been reconfirmed through different things. One being chapter 18 "Sketched" from the book Mended by Angie Smith.
I was just writing in my spiritual journal about my always trying to control my life. I thought about how God refers to us as sheep and he the Shepherd. I have resisted that idea of being likened to a seemingly mindless and stubborn animal who doesn't know what to do or where to go without someone telling it what to do.
I have considered myself to be a fairly intelligent person who has a creative knack for figuring things out. I am the one people come to when something breaks or they don't know how to work something. I just have this knack for figuring it out.
So to think of myself in a way that says I can do nothing without someone else's help... well I guess it prickles in my pride side.
I also have used fear as an excuse to try to do it my way. Cue Frank Sinatra.
If I don't know what's ahead I tend to dig in my heels and resist the whole way.
Stubborn. So yea a sheep! Bah Bah Bah!
God has challenged me to a wrestling match of sorts for the last few years. I resist, I move in the opposite direction and only when He really hits hard do I stop to take a breath. Stubborn . Bah, bah!
The rod and staff he carries can hurt quite a bit but the lessons don't sink in the first time around.
I finally capitulated on Sunday at church and told God I would be his sheep. Then I read chapter 18. Reconfirming what God had spoken to my heart already.
In chapter 18 Angie talks about trying to sketch her own life. She had
to go speak in my language. I love to draw, paint, crochet,etc ...If
it's creative I will try it. So this just jumped off the page for me.
I have always been a dreamer and dreamed of my life and how I wanted it
to be. Perfect of course. Perfect marriage, perfect family...My sketch,
my dreams, my plans. Get the picture?
I talked before about God being the author and finisher of my life. I have never had control of my life I just wanted to feel like I did. I keep resisting, then God to do some serious editing, and I try to do my own rewrite again, more editing...
Its a tiring cycle and it's time to hand over the pen. It's time to submit and give up my plans. It's time to admit I am just a sheep.
"I just want to be a sheep, bah, bah, bah, bah!"